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Stories about the number of Black women who are single have made headlines for years, and many of us are tired of hearing them.

But the reality often hits home during the holidays, when discussing your love life becomes an appetizer at meals with the family.

I was very aware of the violence that men, boys, and masculine-of-center people of color consistently face because they’re deemed too physically intimidating. I knew that Black men are especially seen as so dangerous that they’re inhuman.

C., says she feels frustrated, hurt and even betrayed when she sees Black men with women of other races, but happy when she sees Black women in an interracial relationship. Lachon, who is seeing a White man, has experienced her share of adverse reaction.Under patriarchy, women and gender non-conforming folks are systemically oppressed.But because of the intersections of race, class, dis/ability, sexual orientation, and other identities, not all women and gender non-conforming folks experience oppression in the same ways.White women range from those so intrigued by black men that it veers into fetish to those so reluctant to date black men that it feels more racist than preference-driven.These are generalizations, of course, but they are attitudes that I've personally encountered.