Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you've found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life.
It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight.
Coping requires knowing your feelings, talking to your friend and deciding upon some strategies to keep your friendship intact.
I mean, we've heard the charming phrases like "bros before hos" and "chicks over dicks" so frequently that the notion is ingrained into our minds: Don't date your ex's buddy and don't date your friend's ex. Without rhyme, reason, logic and common sense, we often find ourselves inexplicably attracted to someone. True friendship and true love are both elusive the key is trying to get them both!
You’re dating this awesome guy and you’re happy and in love. You spend a lot of time ranting about her to anyone who will listen, you don’t care if they don’t want to hear it. For some reason, your ex-BFF gets mad at YOU for talking about her so much. When you run into them anywhere, you want to run the other way.
Then, for some reason or another, you guys break up. You try hanging out with new friends but mainly feel miserable and alone. You can’t understand why every other friend isn’t mad at her. But even though you’re furious with both of them, you still miss both of them so much and you hate it.
Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex.
They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again.
Although the couple couldn't be happier today, they pissed off a few folks along the way.
Unless you're a terrible person, you probably don't want to trample your ex's heart in the process of nurturing your new flame. And, guess what, your new squeeze—who just might be a nice person! As noted journalist Mary Schmich once said, "don't be reckless with other people's hearts." There's no need to punch an innocent bystander in their tender bits because you've gotten burned or are pining for someone else. If you were the one who got dumped however, we think you have a little more leverage in pursuing your ex's pal; after all s/he didn't want you anymore, right? I don’t care if it’s a casual acquaintance, I don’t care if it’s your best friend in the whole world, and I don’t care who broke up with whom.
If the chemistry is explosive and undeniable, it may be worth the risk. If you were the one who took out the garbage, you might want to go about this is a very. manner so as not to induce window breaking from your ex.
They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.
What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.